Tasting the Pretty or Anything to Avoid Packing

"Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous."
--Albert Einstein

I know I don't usually start with a quote, but this was the Einstein quote of the day on google tonight. Coincidence? I think not! Here's the thing, it amazes even me at the moment how much I absolutely with every fiber of my being do NOT want to pack right now. The reality is that around noon tomorrow, someone from our program is coming to pick up our stuff and take it back to Arad. We don't actually move out of our apartment until Friday morning, but anything left behind at that point we are ourselves responsible for schlepping down south which is considerably less enticing than even packing. And yet somehow it is neither motivating enough for me to be getting my things together. Go figure. As best as I can tell, my hesitation is clearly psychologically rooted in something much deeper. Ah the grandeur of an undergraduate psych degree!

I'm just not ready for this chapter of my life to close. In fairness, there's no telling how much time I would want here given the choice. I might never leave! But it wouldn't be the same. WUJS is ending. It's time to go. I know this, and yet I'm heartbroken by this reality. From the sunny ride into Tel Aviv the day we moved here, I have been in love and exhuberantly joyful in a way I haven't felt in a long time. I remember looking out the window and thinking (totally amazed) "I did this! I made this happen! I made my own dream come true!" A momentous feeling to be sure! Our lives take so many unexpected twists and turns, it's fantastic to be able to change your own life. Who knew?Then I thought, I should remember to dream big. Who knows what else I can dream up and make happen! I have always said I wanted to live by the water on a beach somewhere, but for a long time, my daydreams were limited to moving down to Wilmington someday. Not to downplay my love of Wilmington, but Tel Aviv of course is in an entirely different category all by itself. Then there's the sheer fact that I have finally after the last almost five years after my surgeries somehow miraculously gotten my life "back on track." And on a track that's quite possibly made me even happier than I ever imagined before!

There was once a perfect quote on My So Called Life about the precise moment when your life figures out how to get good, and mine has done exactly that. I recently wrote a journal entry about this point. In a very real way, the "derailment" created by the surgeries and my subsequent seemingly coincidental and non-linear choices since then have all led me here. "G-d bless the broken road!" The fact that suddenly all of these choices seem completely relevant and meaningful only proves to me that there was a higher power having a hand in the journey.

And now, I must apologize that it has taken me three whole paragraphs to get to some truly HUGE and exciting news which perhaps needs its own entry altogether... I found out a few days ago that I have been accepted to be a participant in the AVODAH Jewish Service Corps program for this coming year!!!!!!!!!! [Insert many cheers, applause, and prayers of thankfulness and devotion here!] I will in fact blog about it later on next week once I have interviewed with potential nonprofit organizations and know more about where I'll be working. Essentially, it is a program very similar to Americorps and means I will be moving to Washington DC this August and living and working there for a year with a nonprofit organization addressing the multi-faceted issue of poverty. For more information about AVODAH itself, you can visit: http://www.avodah.net/ Suffice it to say, I applied a while back and am BEYOND thrilled to have been accepted out of a very very competitive applicant pool!! Just call me Jane "Ya Makin' the world a better place." :O) It's all I want to do!

Somewhere between our incredible apartment itself, having in affect fallen in love with Tel Aviv, and the many many wonderful things which have happened to me since I've been here- is it any wonder I have zero desire to leave?! Yes, I know I have to leave to start my next adventures, but I suspect some part of me fears losing the sense of peace and contentment I have found here. It's really quite awesome, and nothing I ever really expected. Israel has become like the senior year I never got at Drew.

For those of you who have known me a long time, you know there have been some truly dark times in my life. If only I had known all of THIS was possible! Back then, I could not have even dreamed of such bliss!

On a long walk around the city last week, I had some interesting realizations. (Be forewarned, "new age" thoughts to follow.) Eastern tradition has long believed that the world is made up of a set of elements- fire, water, metal, wood... Similarly, people also resonate with these same elements. I am, of course, oversimplifying. I started thinking, what am I made of? Many various amusing things came to mind, but then, without any doubt the answer was obvious- I am water! It is no coincidence I am a Pisces. I NEED water in whatever form; lakes, rivers, sea, and especially ocean. I have always felt a particular pull to the ocean. Then something else of greater significance occured to me.

When I was in high school and facing particularly difficult times, I used to think of myself as having a broken glass girl inside me. I definitely felt broken, and some days the shards seemed to cut so deep and were so painful. It hurt to live.

Maybe high school is like that for other people, but I was very depressed. At 26, I only now realize I have been wrong all these years though. What I felt inside was indeed sharp and excruciating, but the pieces I felt were ice and not glass. Somewhere between the Mediterranean sunshine and the warmth from the people in my life, I have finally felt the last of the ice melt. I know all of this possibly sounds so out there, but it's the only way to explain what I feel. And I know there are those others of you who truly understand, and I love you for that.
Mom, go get tissues.