Happy to Be Holding Your Breath

This thought popped into my head tonight as I eased off of the bus and headed towards home after a 12 hour work day. I love the yoga class I've been going to for most of the fall, and the teacher is phenomenal. We do a breathing exercise which he claims will make our eyes shiny and our skin glow as though we are well rested from a vacation. At one point in the excercise, we hold our breath for about a 15 count and sometimes longer. Shankar always reminds us, "Focus your attention between your 'eye-bros.' Be happy to be here practicing yoga. Happy to be holding your breath longer and longer." And I realize, I AM happy to be holding my breath longer and longer.

I keep taking these giant leaps of faith into my future one year at a time. So far, they've worked out quite nicely. I am grateful to have a breath to hold as it were, and I do feel intensely alive and connected to the people and stories around me. I know I am making a difference and having spiritually fulfilling and meaningful work is beyond measure.

Needless to say, work has been going really well. Communal living on the other hand, not so much. I know we are going to cycle through various stages as a group, but right now, it's all I can do not to run for the hills sometimes. There are still a number of positive benefits, but then I also realized tonight I am in fact living the worst case scenario role play from my interview wherein one roommate does not clean the bathroom for weeks on end. Ewwww. My gut reaction is to not do my chore until conditions improve, but of course, that's not the answer. I am also in my head trying to perfect how to say to someone's face "Please stop being an ass" or "You're being an ass right now" in my "please-pass-the-butter" voice. I'll keep you posted.

And then there's Allie's making aaliyah which has been on my mind for weeks. I'm thrilled for her and simultaneously heartbroken that she's returning without me. Last weekend, I followed a friend's recommendation and found some of the best falafel this side of the Western Wall. It was so close to what I've had in Jerusalem, it seriously brought nostalgic tears to my eyes. I feel as though I am forever homesick- here and there. To further pull on heart strings, I looked up from my booth and realized I was sitting under a painting of the Old City. All the other paintings around Max's are of flowers and abstract art! The pita was so fluffy and chewy that it reminded me of the corner grocery in Arad which sold similar pita. The pita that was our staple with everything from chocolate spread to eggplant dip to hummus. Always with the hummus. Food can truly transport a person! Although I will say the kosher grocery next door though carrying several Israeli brands seems to have its seasons confused. Their bakery is serving hamentashen and not a single sufganyot to be found in the place! Has it really been a year?!!

I am happy to be holding my breath. Not letting my nostrils search for traces of powdered sugar and sweet grease. Still I wonder- what is the danger in loving two places at once?

A Poem

Yakov

There's a grave somewhere
With a sun bleached white shell
Waiting
Waiting for my return
To bring you news of my trip
Of places you have also been

But seashells and rocks are all that I can leave you
When I go
And everyone who sees them
May not know that it was me
But seashells are not native to the cemetery
And I'm an equal stranger

I miss you
And it's still hard to imagine
That you're never coming back
To tell me all about the rocks I leave
Such tragic irony

The Wheels on the Bus

Autumn in the District. The leaves are gorgeous, the drag queens are a runnin', and I am finding deep joy riding the bus. There's so much I should fill you in on about my life as of late, but somehow since my commute takes up a good chunk of my day it feels all too appropriate to pontificate about the happiness which can be public transportation.

I am learning to center myself on "the moment" and not run too far ahead in my thoughts. My new game is attempting to bring other people into the moment with a smile or a few words. When I ride the bus in the mornings especially, I make sure to pay attention to the driver. Usually, they will have a breakfast they try to sneak while driving or a crossword puzzle at red lights. Sometimes they are sick with the same crud which seems to be plaguing the rest of the city. Whenever I get off the bus, I make sure to thank them but also to pull them out of the monotony of the morning commute with a few words. It all depends on the circumstance. It can be "Feel better" or "Good luck with the rest of the puzzle" or "Enjoy your meal." I get a kick out of noticing, and often times, they are amused... I like to think occasionally charmed... by being noticed. We are all actively on this planet, although I think all too often we go into autopilot and lose track of life as it happens around us.

There's something sterile about the metro in that sense. I get unnerved by not needing to be actively engaged in pulling the cord when it's time for my stop. It always feels as though something critical to the process of traveling is missing. Also, I've found I truly enjoy other people who notice and sharing a secret smile with them. This noticing rarely seems to occur on the metro. Where as on the bus, people are always laughing at babies or young children or are otherwise interacting with each other. At times this communication is as simple as a wordless glance, but humanity thrives in those exact exchanges and innate understandings.

Then there's the people I meet. My "I'm askable" button on my messenger bag has gotten a little attention. I met a young woman named Sierra that way. Then there was the 40-ish year old man who just wanted to talk about life and love. The Caribbean man who brought an umbrella with him, because he knew if he did, then it would NOT rain. The random guy who tried to ask me for money to help him start his rap career. James Jackson who had come from several hours of dental work and told me his life story starting with growing up in Fredricksburg, VA. And of course, my new Austrian friend, Torsten, who works at the Austrian embassy and truly has become an unexpected delightful new companion! Those are just the people I've really gotten to talk to, but there are so many others.

There are a few bus drivers I now recognize, and each time I get on their buses, I instantly feel happy. I can't quite explain it, but again, in this way also, the metro is quite impersonal. There is no one to greet or to thank for the journey! Tonight in particular, maybe because it was freezing outside. Seeing the S4 come around the corner, knowing it would be warm and bright inside made me giddy. I love the way at night the bus speeds along without stopping at unnecessary stops. There are no tourists on the bus. Certainly not in the northern part of the city where I live, and most locals are not even so comfortable with the bus system.

I got on and was greeted with a familiar smile. He's the driver who usually drives me home after 11 pm. We both know this. The woman across from me who has sat in almost the exact same seat on previous rides recognizes me as well. We are all there together in one moment- familiar strangers. I give honor to our mutual respect and recognition. It somehow matters if only for the short time I'm on the bus that we're both there. I smile into the rearview mirror as I scan for my upcoming street. He does the same. It's comforting, and there's a strange beauty to those moments. The warmth of the bus is somehow partially radiated from his personality. I adore bus drivers who take the time to say hello to their passengers when they first take over the bus and drivers who take the time to tell people to watch their step. All too often we are careless with ourselves and with others, but giving care really takes so little effort. Humanity is in the taking care... or in some cases caring enough to wish others to do the same for themselves. There's a reason "take care" is a form of greeting!

I hurry up my block after telling my friend I'll see him next time, and I know I will! The key turns easily in the door, and my thoughts are now only of slipping silently into my warm and welcoming bed. It's a tremendous thing being alive and being aware of the life we've been given to live as we choose. I am blessed beyond words.

Goodnight- take care, my friends!

Reflections

I suppose it is a very fitting time of the year to sit and reflect. My commute to work these days is about an hour each way, so there's certainly plenty of time for thoughts, but rarely do I allow my emotions to connect with my thoughts. Isn't that truly the meaning of reflection? Looking in and staying open to what's staring back right at you! My thoughts I can think away, but my emotions usually steer me back to the truth. I had no idea I had so much philosophy inside me tonight! Ah... and so begins another 1 am post. Eastern standard time this time!

I have now lived in Washington DC for a few days over a month. In that time, Israel has seen the rise of a new female leader. The first in almost 40 years! The US election process has made history time and time again. Unfortunately, most recently with this ridiculous "candidacy suspension." I mean really!

Most emotionally for me personally though, WUJS Arad has closed its doors, and the staff who were my family and my support for what feels like all of last year are no longer employed by WUJS. The world marches on, but this small tragedy makes my soul ache. To know we were some of the last students to receive the enormous benefits of an education in the heart of the Negev is MAMASH a shame! WUJS promised I would come to understand and love the desert, and I did. They promised I would always have a home there to come back to, and I hope it's still true because a small part of me still lives in the sunsets above the Point. No one promised I would find myself there, but I did that as well!

I love my new community here in the District, but it's not all sparkles and pillow fights like people seem to think nine young women living together might be. It's challenging and sometimes down right exhausting, but it's yet another life experiment I'm enjoying pushing my way through.

I miss my family, that's for sure. Today was Mom's birthday, and it made me sad not spend it with her. She and Victor are coming up in October, and I can't wait! Life here moves a million miles a minute and having people who connect me to a past and a future is extremely beneficial lately. In case you're wondering, beneficial here really just means sanity keeping. I guess some would call that perspective. Which pretty much brings us back to reflecting, and I think I will end there at least for tonight.

L'shana tova, Kulam!
Sweet and warm wishes to all of you for a healthy and happy New Year!

What are these plans you speak of?

So here it is the end of April. I have one week left in this amazing place and am flooded with thoughts and emotions... chiefly exhaustion. Of course, it is 1 am, and I have not slept in the same bed for more than 3 nights in a row in weeks. I started counting tonight just for fun and realized I have slept on more than 30 beds, couches, and camping mats in the last 6 months. Yes, that averages out to a different place more than once a week. Oy! It has been quite the ride!

This past week, I started out with seder in Maccabi with my Israeli friend Noa and her family. It's a lovely rapidly growing town between Jerusalem and Tel Aviv. There were 26 people at their house this Pesach, and I was so glad to be there for what will probably be one of my most memorable seders. Friday night before Pesach began, Noa and our friend Danielle indulged me by coming with me to a reform service. It was truly like coming home, and I am so thankful to have had one prayer experience like it in Israel. I was open for all prayer experiences this year, but this particular one was much needed for me to feel I truly have a religious as well as spiritual place in Israel.

Monday, I was in Tel Aviv and Netanya, and Tuesday, some of my friends and I rented a car and drove down to the Dead Sea for the Ahava Music Festival. We swam, played in the mineral mud, camped out right by the water, went to see the concert at night, swam again in the moonlight... and all the time snacked on matzah right along with the rest of the camp site. Traveling and camping this time of year are very Israeli things to do, since most people have a chofesh or vacation from work/ school and the weather is fantastic. Wednesday morning, I woke up to the sun rising over the mountains of Jordan and the sea. We made breakfast on our camping stove, put on lots of sunscreen, and headed to Ein Gedi nearby for a river hike complete with waterfalls. What an awesome way to spend Earth Day!

Last night (Wed.), I arrived for one last time (of this trip) in Jerusalem. The city has come alive with the fast approaching summer heat. Flowers are blooming in every garden, every courtyard, down every street. Sweet honeysuckle, citrus, roses, and other fragrant species waft in every direction amidst the sparkling white Jerusalem stones which the city is known for. It is a site I never expected, and one that truly must be experienced first hand! You can not only see the pretty, you can smell it too!

I had lots of plans for today, but like most plans I have tried to make lately, they changed as soon as the day began. I did, however, see a number of friends unexpectedly when I ran into them on the street. First, Sam this morning while out getting coffee (surprise!), and then Aliza tonight on the way home from a spur of the moment dinner date. It is one of the things I truly truly love about this country and will miss the most! But maybe living in DC won't be so different. Guess we'll see.

Tomorrow "the plan" is to go back to Tel Aviv first thing in the morning and go to the art museum which I have been meaning to explore for quite some time. Then it's off to Nachlat Binyamin and Allenby for some final souvenir shopping. If there's time before Shabbat, I might head down to Neve Tzedek... or it might have to wait until Thursday aka my last day in town. Saturday will probably be time to catch up on sleep and beach, and Sunday I leave to volunteer at a small winery down in the south as my time draws to a close. Then again, this is how I try to plan and rarely it seems are my days quite so organized in the end... but I absolutely love it! May it always be so! If you only knew how many things were "planned" and crossed out again each day.

This time in one week, I will be sitting with friends on the beach drinking coffee, saying goodbyes or l'hitraot... til we meet again. I know I will look out at the sea and make promises to return soon. I will think of my parents packing to come to NYC to meet me and of my grandparents who will be awaiting my call to say I have landed and will soon be back in their arms. I will be sad to have made calls to all of the relatives here one last time from my Israeli cellphone to thank them where words will simply never be enough.

In the last six months, I have learned Hebrew and patience (sovlanut). I have learned streets and entire cities. I have learned history, and I have learned about myself. And maybe it's strange to say when so far away from some of my dearest friends and loved ones, but this year, I have learned the meaning of family and friendship. I knew this week would come as all beginnings have an end, but this chapter of my life will always be precious and dear to me and very close to my heart.