Monday, March 16, 2009
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Scintillate
So much! It is becoming apparent that I am not getting 8 hours of sleep tonight, although I did nap throughout today's rainy Sunday. I love DC, and I love my job. I guess those are the key pieces to life lately. It helps immensely, since I am living in one and spending most of my time at the other. A little more than half of Avodah has now gone by and starting to think about what's next feels inevitable and still somewhat anxiety inducing. When I'm not focusing on the future or my long to-do lists, here are a few thoughts which continue to percolate in my mind:
1) One time, Vic and I were on a road trip. Only the road trip was down to Atlanta to our grandfather's funeral. On the way, we stopped for gas, and I got a scratch&win lottery ticket. I didn't win. Maybe that makes it a scratch&lose. Anyway, Victor said, "Maybe that's the best thing that will happen today." I questioned him on it, pointing out the rest of the day would continue to be difficult, so how would losing be a good thing? We got into some very philosophical conversation, although by the time we reached Atlanta, we were totally slap happy and ridiculous. I'm pretty sure I had Dr. Pepper. How I miss road trips with DP or sweet tea... and of course my brother! I often think to myself though when things don't go as planned, what if this is the best thing that happens today? What if being late actually keeps me somehow out of harm's way? I guess it just helps me keep perspective. Thanks, little brother!
2) While traveling in the north of Israel last year, we hiked through a park with some remarkable land features. There's a picture of us standing on a land bridge hundreds of feet above the ground. The crazy thing is, we had no idea there were only a few feet of earth below us! I will try to attach the photo at the bottom of this post. When we walked across, we thought it was solid ground on a hilltop. In reality, there was a gaping hole below us that we simply couldn't see from our vantage point. I remember thinking, had I known, I would not have wanted to walk that path. I think life and its challenges are a lot like that. If we had any idea of how high up we are or how far we stand to fall, we might never cross some paths or bridges. But we do! We take one day at a time. We take risks. We risk our money, our safety, our hearts. If we're very lucky, we truly LIVE. And all the while, we have no idea, there are only a few feet of earth between us and the sky.
3) It strikes me as interesting that last year I was in Israel during the seventh year of rest, and this year, I am in Washington DC at a time of one of the country's most historically significant elections doing a program named Avodah meaning to study, work, and pray. I keep taking these leaps of faith, but so far, I have managed to land in exactly the right places, at what feels like for me the exact right times. Pretty priceless given how little time we all have truly to live our lives and to do something which in the best of all possible worlds is somehow significant to ourselves or others. Then again, Voltaire tells us in Candid that we always live in the best of all possible worlds. I'm sensing a theme to tonight's post...
4) Although life has been extremely busy lately, I had a chance to sleep in yesterday. I also got some priceless down time to think and reflect. What I realized is this: At sixteen or so, I decided to live. I'm fortunate to have known a dark place and to have emerged from it with a self-determination for life which allows me not to take any day as a given. At twenty-one I learned how not to take that life for granted or my health. I learned my family and my community would support me if I fell... and couldn't get back up by myself even when it wasn't always the people who I expected to be there. I learned patience with myself and with life. At twenty-four I learned I did not have to stay at a job where I was miserable and that taking a leap of faith could prove to be quite rewarding. I first saw that placing my trust in the universe could be ok. Things would work out. At twenty-five I got on a plane after only a month or less of planning and headed to Israel. It all worked out. At twenty-six I started actively practicing patience towards others and truly came to understand that good things will continue to happen as long as I continued to see the good around me. I learned I could make my own dreams come true. I learned having a job did not mean stability and happiness. I learned it was possible to have immense amounts of fun while at work. I can see how much I've grown, and I hear it from others close to me. I think I have begun to feel serenity. I have more peace in my life and in my heart at twenty-seven than I have ever known before. The job front makes me nervous, since my contract is done in a few months. However, as our deputy director pointed out the other day, she thinks as long as I look for a work environment and people that I enjoy, that I am now someone who will be happy doing any position presented to me. That's pretty great!
I pray a lot more than I have in the past. Mostly I say prayers of gratitude. I say prayers for safe keeping. I say prayers for continued growth and wisdom. I am truly blessed.
1) One time, Vic and I were on a road trip. Only the road trip was down to Atlanta to our grandfather's funeral. On the way, we stopped for gas, and I got a scratch&win lottery ticket. I didn't win. Maybe that makes it a scratch&lose. Anyway, Victor said, "Maybe that's the best thing that will happen today." I questioned him on it, pointing out the rest of the day would continue to be difficult, so how would losing be a good thing? We got into some very philosophical conversation, although by the time we reached Atlanta, we were totally slap happy and ridiculous. I'm pretty sure I had Dr. Pepper. How I miss road trips with DP or sweet tea... and of course my brother! I often think to myself though when things don't go as planned, what if this is the best thing that happens today? What if being late actually keeps me somehow out of harm's way? I guess it just helps me keep perspective. Thanks, little brother!
2) While traveling in the north of Israel last year, we hiked through a park with some remarkable land features. There's a picture of us standing on a land bridge hundreds of feet above the ground. The crazy thing is, we had no idea there were only a few feet of earth below us! I will try to attach the photo at the bottom of this post. When we walked across, we thought it was solid ground on a hilltop. In reality, there was a gaping hole below us that we simply couldn't see from our vantage point. I remember thinking, had I known, I would not have wanted to walk that path. I think life and its challenges are a lot like that. If we had any idea of how high up we are or how far we stand to fall, we might never cross some paths or bridges. But we do! We take one day at a time. We take risks. We risk our money, our safety, our hearts. If we're very lucky, we truly LIVE. And all the while, we have no idea, there are only a few feet of earth between us and the sky.
3) It strikes me as interesting that last year I was in Israel during the seventh year of rest, and this year, I am in Washington DC at a time of one of the country's most historically significant elections doing a program named Avodah meaning to study, work, and pray. I keep taking these leaps of faith, but so far, I have managed to land in exactly the right places, at what feels like for me the exact right times. Pretty priceless given how little time we all have truly to live our lives and to do something which in the best of all possible worlds is somehow significant to ourselves or others. Then again, Voltaire tells us in Candid that we always live in the best of all possible worlds. I'm sensing a theme to tonight's post...
4) Although life has been extremely busy lately, I had a chance to sleep in yesterday. I also got some priceless down time to think and reflect. What I realized is this: At sixteen or so, I decided to live. I'm fortunate to have known a dark place and to have emerged from it with a self-determination for life which allows me not to take any day as a given. At twenty-one I learned how not to take that life for granted or my health. I learned my family and my community would support me if I fell... and couldn't get back up by myself even when it wasn't always the people who I expected to be there. I learned patience with myself and with life. At twenty-four I learned I did not have to stay at a job where I was miserable and that taking a leap of faith could prove to be quite rewarding. I first saw that placing my trust in the universe could be ok. Things would work out. At twenty-five I got on a plane after only a month or less of planning and headed to Israel. It all worked out. At twenty-six I started actively practicing patience towards others and truly came to understand that good things will continue to happen as long as I continued to see the good around me. I learned I could make my own dreams come true. I learned having a job did not mean stability and happiness. I learned it was possible to have immense amounts of fun while at work. I can see how much I've grown, and I hear it from others close to me. I think I have begun to feel serenity. I have more peace in my life and in my heart at twenty-seven than I have ever known before. The job front makes me nervous, since my contract is done in a few months. However, as our deputy director pointed out the other day, she thinks as long as I look for a work environment and people that I enjoy, that I am now someone who will be happy doing any position presented to me. That's pretty great!
I pray a lot more than I have in the past. Mostly I say prayers of gratitude. I say prayers for safe keeping. I say prayers for continued growth and wisdom. I am truly blessed.
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