"Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous."
--Albert Einstein
I know I don't usually start with a quote, but this was the Einstein quote of the day on google tonight. Coincidence? I think not! Here's the thing, it amazes even me at the moment how much I absolutely with every fiber of my being do NOT want to pack right now. The reality is that around noon tomorrow, someone from our program is coming to pick up our stuff and take it back to Arad. We don't actually move out of our apartment until Friday morning, but anything left behind at that point we are ourselves responsible for schlepping down south which is considerably less enticing than even packing. And yet somehow it is neither motivating enough for me to be getting my things together. Go figure. As best as I can tell, my hesitation is clearly psychologically rooted in something much deeper. Ah the grandeur of an undergraduate psych degree!
I'm just not ready for this chapter of my life to close. In fairness, there's no telling how much time I would want here given the choice. I might never leave! But it wouldn't be the same. WUJS is ending. It's time to go. I know this, and yet I'm heartbroken by this reality. From the sunny ride into Tel Aviv the day we moved here, I have been in love and exhuberantly joyful in a way I haven't felt in a long time. I remember looking out the window and thinking (totally amazed) "I did this! I made this happen! I made my own dream come true!" A momentous feeling to be sure! Our lives take so many unexpected twists and turns, it's fantastic to be able to change your own life. Who knew?Then I thought, I should remember to dream big. Who knows what else I can dream up and make happen! I have always said I wanted to live by the water on a beach somewhere, but for a long time, my daydreams were limited to moving down to Wilmington someday. Not to downplay my love of Wilmington, but Tel Aviv of course is in an entirely different category all by itself. Then there's the sheer fact that I have finally after the last almost five years after my surgeries somehow miraculously gotten my life "back on track." And on a track that's quite possibly made me even happier than I ever imagined before!
There was once a perfect quote on My So Called Life about the precise moment when your life figures out how to get good, and mine has done exactly that. I recently wrote a journal entry about this point. In a very real way, the "derailment" created by the surgeries and my subsequent seemingly coincidental and non-linear choices since then have all led me here. "G-d bless the broken road!" The fact that suddenly all of these choices seem completely relevant and meaningful only proves to me that there was a higher power having a hand in the journey.
And now, I must apologize that it has taken me three whole paragraphs to get to some truly HUGE and exciting news which perhaps needs its own entry altogether... I found out a few days ago that I have been accepted to be a participant in the AVODAH Jewish Service Corps program for this coming year!!!!!!!!!! [Insert many cheers, applause, and prayers of thankfulness and devotion here!] I will in fact blog about it later on next week once I have interviewed with potential nonprofit organizations and know more about where I'll be working. Essentially, it is a program very similar to Americorps and means I will be moving to Washington DC this August and living and working there for a year with a nonprofit organization addressing the multi-faceted issue of poverty. For more information about AVODAH itself, you can visit: http://www.avodah.net/ Suffice it to say, I applied a while back and am BEYOND thrilled to have been accepted out of a very very competitive applicant pool!! Just call me Jane "Ya Makin' the world a better place." :O) It's all I want to do!
Somewhere between our incredible apartment itself, having in affect fallen in love with Tel Aviv, and the many many wonderful things which have happened to me since I've been here- is it any wonder I have zero desire to leave?! Yes, I know I have to leave to start my next adventures, but I suspect some part of me fears losing the sense of peace and contentment I have found here. It's really quite awesome, and nothing I ever really expected. Israel has become like the senior year I never got at Drew.
For those of you who have known me a long time, you know there have been some truly dark times in my life. If only I had known all of THIS was possible! Back then, I could not have even dreamed of such bliss!
On a long walk around the city last week, I had some interesting realizations. (Be forewarned, "new age" thoughts to follow.) Eastern tradition has long believed that the world is made up of a set of elements- fire, water, metal, wood... Similarly, people also resonate with these same elements. I am, of course, oversimplifying. I started thinking, what am I made of? Many various amusing things came to mind, but then, without any doubt the answer was obvious- I am water! It is no coincidence I am a Pisces. I NEED water in whatever form; lakes, rivers, sea, and especially ocean. I have always felt a particular pull to the ocean. Then something else of greater significance occured to me.
When I was in high school and facing particularly difficult times, I used to think of myself as having a broken glass girl inside me. I definitely felt broken, and some days the shards seemed to cut so deep and were so painful. It hurt to live.
Maybe high school is like that for other people, but I was very depressed. At 26, I only now realize I have been wrong all these years though. What I felt inside was indeed sharp and excruciating, but the pieces I felt were ice and not glass. Somewhere between the Mediterranean sunshine and the warmth from the people in my life, I have finally felt the last of the ice melt. I know all of this possibly sounds so out there, but it's the only way to explain what I feel. And I know there are those others of you who truly understand, and I love you for that.
Mom, go get tissues.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Lots o' Pictures!
Can you tell which one of these is not like the other ones? :O)
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| Sderot Qassam Shells |
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| For Mom and Dad |
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| Something for Everyone |
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| My Secret Garden |
Friday, March 7, 2008
Israel is MAGIC!
Hi All!
I realize the title of this post could just as easily be "What happened to February?" and so it goes. Despite last night's attacks on the yeshiva in Jerusalem and everything else I have watched happen in this country over the last weeks, I truly do believe though that Israel is magic. It's so different being here as the world turns and tragedy strikes in the holy land. I worry more about violence striking my "little" brother's college campus then about my own safety. Maybe it's always that way. To which I of course feel the need to say- sorry Mom and Dad! Getting a call last night from them just to check in was somehow so wonderful despite not having been in Jerusalem myself. I had planned to be there but cancelled my plans when I got sick earlier in the week. Baruch Hashem for the "good" and "bad" blessings. My heart goes out to all those at the yeshiva, their families, and all who love them and call them "just to check in." My heart goes out to the family of Eve Carson, all the students at UNC, and all who love them. This is a crazy world we are living in.
But in Israel, it is spring. Almost overnight, coats and sweaters have been replaced with lighter summer gear. Maybe it's also due to the rapid influx of tourists just as the weather began to shift. My once near-private beach is quickly filling up with sunbathers and Israelis selling ice cream and rental chairs. How do the customers and the vendors come out of hibernation at exactly the same time??! Maybe the 90 degrees promised for this weekend has something to do with it!
Across the street from our apartment, there is an alley way I use to get to the senior center where I dance with Holocaust survivors every Sunday. It's the kind of shady spot you would expect to smell, shall we say, not so fresh. Yet, every week as I walk through the scent of something sweet hits me. I had confirmed with a friend that she smelled it too, but we were both still perplexed. Last week I finally solved the mystery. There's a lemon tree blooming hidden behind some construction materials. The fact that the fragrant aroma is so unexpected next to a construction site only seems to add to the magic!
I've never thought of myself as someone for big city life, but Tel Aviv is a universe onto itself. Last Thursday, I was walking back from the school in south Tel Aviv where I tutor Russian speaking kids in English and decided to wander into a tiny shoe store. Three older gentlemen were sitting in there clearly enjoying each other's company. Presumably, one of them is the owner. When I walked in, they were in the process of pouring red wine into small plastic cups... at 3 o'clock in the afternoon. I smiled and said "l'chaim" in between looking at heels and boots. This instantly made me their new best friend, and they insisted I join them and have a cup. Now, my parents raised me right being the Russian family that we are. It's just rude to say no to red wine! Nevermind the time and place. I think I was also excited to have this entire exchange take place in Hebrew... and yes, I did try to turn it down at first for propriety's sake. That's probably my American side. In the end, I did not buy any shoes, but I walked down Allenby Street with my plastic cup of wine and laughed the entire way home. Where else could this happen?! It's magic! Like the Chabad men who offered us vodka and sufganyot at Chanukah time. Israel does not have nearly the same fear of alcohol that the US does. It's a part of life and a way to rejoice in life.
Another moment worth capturing- after my "wine walk" home, I got ready and went to Jerusalem for the night last Thursday. There was an Idan Raichel concert for those of us on MASA programs, and then I went to see Holler, a local band I've gotten to know well and try to catch often. Are any of you surprised? :O) It was a very late night, and the next morning my wonderful friend Lisa and I met at the shuk for brunch... and some pre-Shabbos shopping she needed to do. Now, I love our Tel Aviv shuk, but Jerusalem is something else to behold altogether! It's much bigger with stalls upon stalls of fruits, vegetables, spices, dried goods, meat, fish... you name it! Hot challah is coming out of ovens in bakeries tucked into corners, and small shops offer cheeses, wines, olives, and anything your little heart could desire. The smell and bustle of the shuk on a Friday afternoon is intoxicating and entrancing.
Lisa and I wait to be seated at a cafe along one busy walkway, but instead we are seated across from the cafe at a table set up just for us. We are up on a step at what feels like a make believe tea party, and we proceed to wave at passerbys like the beauty queens we are, seated there to serve as greeters for the market. When our food comes, I am convinced I am eating the most delicious sandwich I have ever eaten in my life! Although it's only an omelete on hearty wheat bread with fresh tomato, chives, and some sort of creamy cheese, it is out of this world! Lisa and I are too busy trading stories from the night before, laughing, and checking out our rather attractive waiter to notice the man from the stand next to us noticing our usual ridiculousness whenever we're together. I look up only to see him as he is garnishing my meal with a handful of olives he lets drop directly from his fist onto the plate. The gesture is so fluid and the morning so perfect I am nearly speechless except to turn to Lisa, crack up, and ask "Where else?!" Israel is magic!
These magic moments make up my time here. Certainly I am still rattled by suicide bombers, the closing of the street I live on for unidentified objects to be exploded by robots, by terrorists, and that earthquake a couple weeks ago... but that is not life. That is news. Life is getting up every Saturday morning to go pray at my favorite shul- a place where shoes are not required and the only thing I need to cover myself with is sunscreen. I walk down to the beach where folk dancing takes place each week from 11 to 3 pm, and I watch as people from all walks of life and of every age and ability move round and round in traditional dance. Then I walk down a few feet to the water and people watch until I'm ready to journal. Every Shabbat since we moved to Tel Aviv with very few exceptions, I have spent in awe, wonder, and peace like this. Being prayerful and utterly humble and grateful for life in this universe comes easy here. It feels worlds apart from everything else which has gone on each week. People are content and restful in the sunshine. Terrorists haven't touched this place, and no one would allow the terrorist of fear to entire this holy shrine.
Also, I have just this morning noticed something new in my face- laugh lines around my eyes when I smile that were not there before. I am changing here into someone new. What a wonderful world!
I realize the title of this post could just as easily be "What happened to February?" and so it goes. Despite last night's attacks on the yeshiva in Jerusalem and everything else I have watched happen in this country over the last weeks, I truly do believe though that Israel is magic. It's so different being here as the world turns and tragedy strikes in the holy land. I worry more about violence striking my "little" brother's college campus then about my own safety. Maybe it's always that way. To which I of course feel the need to say- sorry Mom and Dad! Getting a call last night from them just to check in was somehow so wonderful despite not having been in Jerusalem myself. I had planned to be there but cancelled my plans when I got sick earlier in the week. Baruch Hashem for the "good" and "bad" blessings. My heart goes out to all those at the yeshiva, their families, and all who love them and call them "just to check in." My heart goes out to the family of Eve Carson, all the students at UNC, and all who love them. This is a crazy world we are living in.
But in Israel, it is spring. Almost overnight, coats and sweaters have been replaced with lighter summer gear. Maybe it's also due to the rapid influx of tourists just as the weather began to shift. My once near-private beach is quickly filling up with sunbathers and Israelis selling ice cream and rental chairs. How do the customers and the vendors come out of hibernation at exactly the same time??! Maybe the 90 degrees promised for this weekend has something to do with it!
Across the street from our apartment, there is an alley way I use to get to the senior center where I dance with Holocaust survivors every Sunday. It's the kind of shady spot you would expect to smell, shall we say, not so fresh. Yet, every week as I walk through the scent of something sweet hits me. I had confirmed with a friend that she smelled it too, but we were both still perplexed. Last week I finally solved the mystery. There's a lemon tree blooming hidden behind some construction materials. The fact that the fragrant aroma is so unexpected next to a construction site only seems to add to the magic!
I've never thought of myself as someone for big city life, but Tel Aviv is a universe onto itself. Last Thursday, I was walking back from the school in south Tel Aviv where I tutor Russian speaking kids in English and decided to wander into a tiny shoe store. Three older gentlemen were sitting in there clearly enjoying each other's company. Presumably, one of them is the owner. When I walked in, they were in the process of pouring red wine into small plastic cups... at 3 o'clock in the afternoon. I smiled and said "l'chaim" in between looking at heels and boots. This instantly made me their new best friend, and they insisted I join them and have a cup. Now, my parents raised me right being the Russian family that we are. It's just rude to say no to red wine! Nevermind the time and place. I think I was also excited to have this entire exchange take place in Hebrew... and yes, I did try to turn it down at first for propriety's sake. That's probably my American side. In the end, I did not buy any shoes, but I walked down Allenby Street with my plastic cup of wine and laughed the entire way home. Where else could this happen?! It's magic! Like the Chabad men who offered us vodka and sufganyot at Chanukah time. Israel does not have nearly the same fear of alcohol that the US does. It's a part of life and a way to rejoice in life.
Another moment worth capturing- after my "wine walk" home, I got ready and went to Jerusalem for the night last Thursday. There was an Idan Raichel concert for those of us on MASA programs, and then I went to see Holler, a local band I've gotten to know well and try to catch often. Are any of you surprised? :O) It was a very late night, and the next morning my wonderful friend Lisa and I met at the shuk for brunch... and some pre-Shabbos shopping she needed to do. Now, I love our Tel Aviv shuk, but Jerusalem is something else to behold altogether! It's much bigger with stalls upon stalls of fruits, vegetables, spices, dried goods, meat, fish... you name it! Hot challah is coming out of ovens in bakeries tucked into corners, and small shops offer cheeses, wines, olives, and anything your little heart could desire. The smell and bustle of the shuk on a Friday afternoon is intoxicating and entrancing.
Lisa and I wait to be seated at a cafe along one busy walkway, but instead we are seated across from the cafe at a table set up just for us. We are up on a step at what feels like a make believe tea party, and we proceed to wave at passerbys like the beauty queens we are, seated there to serve as greeters for the market. When our food comes, I am convinced I am eating the most delicious sandwich I have ever eaten in my life! Although it's only an omelete on hearty wheat bread with fresh tomato, chives, and some sort of creamy cheese, it is out of this world! Lisa and I are too busy trading stories from the night before, laughing, and checking out our rather attractive waiter to notice the man from the stand next to us noticing our usual ridiculousness whenever we're together. I look up only to see him as he is garnishing my meal with a handful of olives he lets drop directly from his fist onto the plate. The gesture is so fluid and the morning so perfect I am nearly speechless except to turn to Lisa, crack up, and ask "Where else?!" Israel is magic!
These magic moments make up my time here. Certainly I am still rattled by suicide bombers, the closing of the street I live on for unidentified objects to be exploded by robots, by terrorists, and that earthquake a couple weeks ago... but that is not life. That is news. Life is getting up every Saturday morning to go pray at my favorite shul- a place where shoes are not required and the only thing I need to cover myself with is sunscreen. I walk down to the beach where folk dancing takes place each week from 11 to 3 pm, and I watch as people from all walks of life and of every age and ability move round and round in traditional dance. Then I walk down a few feet to the water and people watch until I'm ready to journal. Every Shabbat since we moved to Tel Aviv with very few exceptions, I have spent in awe, wonder, and peace like this. Being prayerful and utterly humble and grateful for life in this universe comes easy here. It feels worlds apart from everything else which has gone on each week. People are content and restful in the sunshine. Terrorists haven't touched this place, and no one would allow the terrorist of fear to entire this holy shrine.
Also, I have just this morning noticed something new in my face- laugh lines around my eyes when I smile that were not there before. I am changing here into someone new. What a wonderful world!
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